I've been thinking a lot about Kali's biological mother lately. We did not meet her when we went to Ethiopia to bring Kali home, and I am having regrets now. I just cannot imagine being in a position where I have to make such a decision, the decision to give up my child for adoption. I know she must think of Kali every day and wonder what has become of her. We know that she knows Kali has been adopted by Americans. We also know that she is allowed to go to the ministry office to view the post-placement reports when they come in. But I wonder if that is enough.
I was going through all of my referral emails the other day. I had kept everything in my inbox with the intent of printing everything one day. I came upon a referral picture of Kali that I had forgotten about. What a sight! She looks so pitiful and sad in this photo ... I am sure it was taken shortly after being relinquished by her mother, as the pain is so evident in her little face. And then I look at all the photos taken of her lately, like the one above. This is the Kali I want her mother to see ... the Kali who is now so happy. I want her mom to have peace with her decision. I wonder if a letter and pictures from us will help to bring her that peace, or if it will bring her more sadness. It is so hard for me to imagine being in her position, but if I were, I know that I would want to know about my child. And I am sure that Belay will be willing to deliver it for us too.
3 comments:
I imagine that getting to any degree of peace with her decision probably involves a huge degree of sadness. Perhaps a letter and pictures from you might increase her sadness or "open the wound" right now but to see her daughter so happy, healthy and loved might make her decision more tolerable in the long run. I think you are right when you say that if it were your biological child you would want to know. She can always choose not to read the letter but at least she would have the information.
-Emma
It will probably be both. I would imagine that while it will be sad to think about Kali's relinquishment, it would warm her heart to know that SHE had a role in that smile on Kali's face.
Off topic...Dennis has to go out of town this weekend for work, so he won't be here, but I can't wait to see you guys!
Rach
Becky - I hope that my wondering aloud didn't make you overthink your decision. I think we'll all have so much to work through over the lives of our little girls. There are so many moments and discussions that I'm totally dreading, but I'm sure we'll all do the best we can in each situation. I'd be happy to bring something along to Belay if you want to mail it to me (hdaileader@optonline.net and I'll send you my address). We leave on the 17th. Hang in there - you have a beautiful and happy little girl :)
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