Has the other shoe dropped?

Just so that everyone doesn't think everything around here is sunshine and lollipops ...

When Kali is happy and smiling, she is the sweetest thing in the world. She loves to give hugs and kisses and she and Carson continue to have a great time together. It's just so hard, though, trying to determine whether Kali's meltdowns are just part of normal two year old-dom or if they have quite a bit to do with her past. Having 3 older kids and a 4 year old, we do know what normal toddler life is like, and pushing the boundaries is right up that alley. But I wonder how much that little mind is working ... is she consciously thinking "I am going to be as bad as I can to see if you still love me or if you will put me in an orphanage too"? Honestly, she hasn't been bad. The normal tantrums of screaming and crying when she doesn't get her way are easily handled with a time-out. These tantrums are definitely normal toddler. But lately she has taken to swatting and hitting us, and yesterday she actually spit at me when she couldn't have any more juice (too close to bedtime). I have heard that the kids spit at each other in the orphanage as a way to express their anger ... maybe just something she learned there?

Yesterday was by far her worst day yet. She was extremely upset when I left the house for work (Landree is staying home with her this week) and threw her worst tantrum yet. She threw another one when it was naptime, which she has never done before. Normally, nap and bedtimes are pretty tame. She is normally very agreeable to going to sleep, but not yesterday. She continued to have tantrums through the afternoon and last night ... WHEW! She kept asking for juice too close to bedtime and I continued to tell her no. She took a swat at me, I took her hands, told her "no hitting" and she proceeded to scream. I put her in time-out and continued to read the bedtime story to Carson. 2 minutes later, she was over it and on my lap listening to the story. After the lights went out, she asked for juice several more times before I left the room, always pouting when I told her no. 30 minutes after being put down for bed, she came out of the bedroom. We walked her back in there and she began screaming. Her normal tantrums last anywhere from 30 seconds to 3 minutes ... this one lasted 30 minutes! I went in to her several times over this time period to try to comfort her, but to no avail. Finally, after 30 minutes of screaming, I just crawled in bed with her and she immediately stopped crying, threw her arm over my neck, and fell asleep. This morning she woke up and remembered none of it, as children will do, and was our happy little Kalkidan.

Today had it's share of tantrums, but overall, much better than yesterday.

So where is that fine line between normal toddler behavior and exhibiting behavior related to being given up by your mother, living in an orphanage for 7 months, and then being taken to a foreign land by complete strangers?

One specific note about toddler transition ... it seems the majority of Kali's pouting sessions result directly from being told something is not hers. She has gone from an environment where nothing was truly hers, to a hotel with us where we brought everything for her alone, and now to a home where some is hers, some is her brother's, some is ours, etc. She gets so excited, jumping up and down and giggling, when you tell her something is hers, even food. When she asks if something is for her and you tell her no, the bottom lip comes out and she stands back and glares. If you try to touch her during one of her pouts, it quickly escalates into a full blown screaming tantrum. She is in a brand new world and hasn't yet been able to determine that not everything is for her.

Kali, we will ALWAYS love you and never put you back in an orphanage! I know you don't know that right now, but I know you will figure it out soon! I don't mean to make this sound as if she is always in the throws of tantrums, because she is not. Most of the time all is peaceful and happy in our home. This is mainly information and queries for others who may be adopting toddlers or who have already adopted toddlers.